No one tells you at the beginning of this journey, for good or for bad, what you will go through as a Husband watching your wife fight for her life. Looking at your children and wondering if I will have to tell them one day that their mother is not coming home. The poking and prodding any cancer patient has to go through is insane. Wondering what every doctor visit is going to bring... and there are a lot of them.
Watching this horrible beautiful poison chemo try to cure this disgusting disease. We try to enjoy the small victories and ignore the realities of what could be if all doesn't work. Being thrown into this world where most of our new friends we meet are also fighting for their lives. You feel guilty when you see some of their battles are not going as well as ours and it makes you question everything. It can be pretty wearing.
At the end of the day we have to take it all in. Try to be grateful for every breath, every smile, and every moment life throws at us. This is something I need to work harder at. When you get put into this situation your life forever changes. How can you be mad at the little things, like your wife nagging you to take out the trash or a family member that is visiting, accidentally canceling a recording of the latest "Walking Dead" episode. Can you imagine feeling guilty about any negative thought because you know how precious life is. That can make you crazy. But it is the man I want to be. Appreciating all that is good in this world. Every second, every minute and every hour of every day. I have got some big boots to fill after watching how strong my wife has been, always holding her head up high and moving forward with grace and dignity.
Alright, back to business. About five weeks ago Amanda had her double mastectomy. She was a trooper. I am sure I was way more nervous than her. It all went successfully. She spent one night in the hospital. Her beautiful amazing friend Jen stayed in the hospital that night so I could be at home with the children.
When we brought Amanda home, her mother and brother helped with the care as you can imagine the first couple of days are rough. It was hard to keep the kids off of her. The hardest part in the beginning was that she had to have four drains left in and they needed to be cleaned by me twice a day. Nothing says love like cleaning drainage tubes.
The Big News
After surgery, our breast surgeon, Dr. Gunter told us that she did not see anything cancerous during the surgery but we would have to wait till everything was tested to know the official results. Three days later she called to tell us the news we had been so anxious to hear. Amanda had a pathological complete response to the chemo, (a PCR) which meant that no cancer was found in her breast or lymph nodes and her prognosis is now very good. We still needed to meet with the oncologist when she got the full report. A few days later we saw Dr. Gunter to look at the drains and to get a copy of the results that Amanda is cancer free. You would have thought Amanda was being handed a diploma from Harvard.
It has been a slow healing process. but Amanda has been pretty determined to get back to normal life. Overdoing it every day, not taking the pain meds that so many of us would be happy to take, so that she can be ok to care for the children.
Two weeks ago, we met with our Oncologist, Dr. Young. Obviously excited knowing the results, but it was a little bit of a punch in the gut. Dr. Young went over the statistics of life expectancy after a PCR with people that had started with the kind of cancer Amanda had. The odds are really good but not a hundred percent and that is something we will have to live with for the next five years. There are very few cases of cancer coming back in triple negative patients after five years. It was pretty scary when she gave us the percentage of what Amanda's life expectancy was at the beginning of this, and believe me, it is nothing short of a miracle where we are today. We just have go back to living our lives- being as healthy as possible, being positive, and having lots and lots of faith.
Two weekends ago, Amanda helped us put on a horse clinic like nothing had ever happened. I was happy to have my partner back.
Still to come is Radiation treatments which Amanda will begin at the end of November. That will be 33 Treatments over 7 weeks.
Then a full hysterectomy after that and finally reconstruction.
Thank you again everybody for all of the support.
A beautiful pendant one of our friends made for Amanda
My brave wife after surgery
Amanda's first ride after surgery, (three weeks post op.) So proud of her.
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