Wild Ride

This blog entry is long overdue. We are sorry this has taken so long to post. It was quite a ride leading up to this point.

I wrote this first post the week after the Careity Celebrity Cutting.

DECEMBER, 2014

Amanda walked into the herd of cattle slowly and a bit hesitant. The crowd that filled Will Rogers Coliseum in Fort Worth, Texas were all on their toes.
Beverly Branch started singing a breathtakingly beautiful version of Hallelujah with lyrics by Lyn Walsh. You could cut the tension with a knife. I sat on a horse behind the judging booth watching everything in slow motion. Just as in Amanda's cancer diagnosis, there wasn't much I could do but sit back and watch.
I couldn't help her, she was on her own. She just had my support, but the journey was hers to play out.

My nerves were frayed. So many things can go wrong when performing on a cutting horse in front of a live crowd. Especially when less than a few weeks ago, Amanda had never been on a cutting horse. And she had her double mastectomy only two months earlier.

Rick and Shelly Mowery were kind enough to help her get prepared. She rode a gelding named Little Seabiscuit owned by Angelia Taylor Jensen.

I know Amanda so well and I could see she wasn't going to let anyone see her doubts. She kept her head up high.
Light with her hands, she worked her way through the herd. It seemed like forever before she cut the first cow out, but when she did, the last year flashed before my eyes. The diagnosis, our children, the fear, the friends, the support, the doctors, the horses, The Horses! They kept us afloat in every way. They kept us moving. They kept us believing and I knew than that it would be ok.

This night Amanda had the spirit of the horse in her.

Something I have worked nearly all my life to achieve. She was connected, she had a deep seat and was sitting tall.

The cow turned back and Amanda was right there. Her horse was right there and she didn't take her eyes off that cow. She not only wanted to be there for herself but for her horse.
She gave herself to the moment. The emotions welled up in me. Every time she made a move the crowd got more excited. I couldn't hold back the tears and I didn't care. She expressed herself through the horse that night and I may be biased but I never saw anything more beautiful in my life. Not only have I never been so proud of my wife but I have never been so proud of anything. When the music stopped, they had Amanda speak to everyone. This was Amanda's cleanse of the past and dreams of the future. There wasn't a dry eye in the house and I wept like a child.

The 2014 Careity Celebrity Cutting was an amazing event. Lyn Walsh and Beverly Branch have accomplished incredible feats with this charity. Words can not express how grateful we are to Careity Foundation for their help during our time of need. A special Thank You to Lyn and Beverly for giving Amanda such a special opportunity.

We had the support of family, friends, clients and strangers. She even got to perform with her Breast Surgeon, the Amazing Dr. Amy Gunter.
The strangers' emotion was so touching, so many people wanted to meet Amanda afterwards and tell us their stories and experiences with cancer. I could see it was hard on Amanda, that she was getting so much attention. So many people she talked to were still fighting for their lives and she didn't feel worthy. But that is Amanda.

We went to the after party and we danced for the first time in a long time, to George Straits, "The Chair." We got to see Lyle Lovett and Tanya Tucker perform and Amanda was awarded a beautiful Bronze. The night was a blur. We had moments of celebration and were very emotional. It was quite overwhelming, but neither one of us would have changed it. We spent the night at the Worthington Hotel, the first night away from our children since they were born, but had to get up early to get back to the ranch and take care of our chores.

AUGUST 8, 2015

Amanda completed 33 rounds of radiation at the end of January and is getting more of her strength back everyday. She still has reconstruction surgeries to do as well as a full hysterectomy at some point.
She is back working with me- training horses, giving lessons and keeping me in check. We are doing our best to live in the moment.

If you ever see people fighting through a disease, don't feel sorry for them. Know that they have strength inside but just might need a little smile and kindness to help bring them through. That is what we have received from so many and words can not express what every email, phone call, card and so much more has meant to us.

Thank you. With all my heart.
The Crying Cowboy,
Steve Stevens


http://www.careity.org















     http://www.fox4news.com/clip/11004552/fox-4ward-cutting-horse

One Day at a Time

We have needed to post an update for a while. It is hard to put in words all that has happened and what our family has been through. We have been so blessed with all of the support of our family and friends. The doctors have led us in the most positive of situations.

No one tells you at the beginning of this journey, for good or for bad, what you will go through as a Husband watching your wife fight for her life. Looking at your children and wondering if I will have to tell them one day that their mother is not coming home. The poking and prodding any cancer patient has to go through is insane. Wondering what every doctor visit is going to bring... and there are a lot of them.

Watching this horrible beautiful poison chemo try to cure this disgusting disease. We try to enjoy the small victories and ignore the realities of what could be if all doesn't work. Being thrown into this world where most of our new friends we meet are also fighting for their lives. You feel guilty when you see some of their battles are not going as well as ours and it makes you question everything. It can be pretty wearing.

At the end of the day we have to take it all in. Try to be grateful for every breath, every smile, and every moment life throws at us. This is something I need to work harder at. When you get put into this situation your life forever changes. How can you be mad at the little things, like your wife nagging you to take out the trash or a family member that is visiting, accidentally canceling a recording of the latest "Walking Dead" episode. Can you imagine feeling guilty about any negative thought because you know how precious life is. That can make you crazy. But it is the man I want to be. Appreciating all that is good in this world. Every second, every minute and every hour of every day. I have got some big boots to fill after watching how strong my wife has been, always holding her head up high and moving forward with grace and dignity.

Alright, back to business. About five weeks ago Amanda had her double mastectomy. She was a trooper. I am sure I was way more nervous than her. It all went successfully. She spent one night in the hospital. Her beautiful amazing friend Jen stayed in the hospital that night so I could be at home with the children.
When we brought Amanda home, her mother and brother helped with the care as you can imagine the first couple of days are rough. It was hard to keep the kids off of her. The hardest part in the beginning was that she had to have four drains left in and they needed to be cleaned by me twice a day. Nothing says love like cleaning drainage tubes.

The Big News

After surgery, our breast surgeon, Dr. Gunter told us that she did not see anything cancerous during the surgery but we would have to wait till everything was tested to know the official results. Three days later she called to tell us the news we had been so anxious to hear. Amanda had a pathological complete response to the chemo, (a PCR) which meant that no cancer was found in her breast or lymph nodes and her prognosis is now very good. We still needed to meet with the oncologist when she got the full report. A few days later we saw Dr. Gunter to look at the drains and to get a copy of the results that Amanda is cancer free. You would have thought Amanda was being handed a diploma from Harvard.

It has been a slow healing process. but Amanda has been pretty determined to get back to normal life. Overdoing it every day, not taking the pain meds that so many of us would be happy to take, so that she can be ok to care for the children.

Two weeks ago, we met with our Oncologist, Dr. Young. Obviously excited knowing the results, but it was a little bit of a punch in the gut. Dr. Young went over the statistics of life expectancy after a PCR with people that had started with the kind of cancer Amanda had. The odds are really good but not a hundred percent and that is something we will have to live with for the next five years. There are very few cases of cancer coming back in triple negative patients after five years. It was pretty scary when she gave us the percentage of what Amanda's life expectancy was at the beginning of this, and believe me, it is nothing short of a miracle where we are today. We just have go back to living our lives- being as healthy as possible, being positive, and having lots and lots of faith.

Two weekends ago, Amanda helped us put on a horse clinic like nothing had ever happened. I was happy to have my partner back.

Still to come is Radiation treatments which Amanda will begin at the end of November. That will be 33 Treatments over 7 weeks.
Then a full hysterectomy after that and finally reconstruction.

Thank you again everybody for all of the support.  







                                   A beautiful pendant one of our friends made for Amanda

               My brave wife after surgery

                                                                       Amanda's first ride after surgery, (three weeks post op.) So proud of her.      

MY WIFE THE WARRIOR

The day before my wife is to have a double mastectomy operation at Baylor All Saints in Fort Worth early tomorrow morning, she wants to ride a horse jumping with out anything covering her head to celebrate the strong women and men fighting Cancer. It just happens to be breast cancer awareness month.

She may not even know she is doing it, but she's determined to show how important it is to live every day and to be proud of the fight against cancer and not shy away from it. These woman with their bald heads and pale skin should not be looked at as sick,  but strong warrior princesses who have the  strength of women like Joan of Arc.

So the next time you see someone fighting this horrible disease, see their beautiful strength and not their sickness. Trust me, after meeting many of them during their daily fight, they are much tougher than you could ever imagine.

Thanks every one again for your continued support and know your hearts and strength will be with us tomorrow.

"Chemo No Mo"

Friend is a word...

that I don't throw around

Though it's used and abused, I still like the sound.

I save it for people who've done right by me

And I know I can count on if ever need be.

Some of my friends drive big limousines

Own ranches and banks and visit with queens.

And some of my friends are up to their neck

In overdue notes and can't write a check.

They're singers or ropers or writers of prose

And others, God bless them can't blow their own nose!

I guess bein' friends don't have nothin' to do

With talent or money or knowin' who's who.

It's a comf'terbul feelin' when you don't have to care

'Bout choosin' your words or bein' quite fair

"Cause friends'll just listen and let go on by

Those words you don't mean and not bat an eye.

It makes a friend happy to see your success.

They're proud of yer good side and forgive all the rest

And that ain't so easy, all of the time

Sometimes I go crazy and seem to go blind!

Yer friends just might have to take you on home

Or remind you sometime that you're not alone.

or ever so gently pull you back to the ground

When you think you can fly with no one around.

A hug or a shake, which ever seems right

Is the high point of givin', I'll tell ya tonight,

All worldly riches and tributes of men

Can't hold a candle to the worth of a friend.

-Baxter Black

"Chemo No Mo" was a sign the nurses put up at the cancer center last Monday celebrating Amanda, my strong beautiful wife finishing 16 rounds of Chemo. It was an unforgettable day in our life. This has been a six month journey so far and this is our first major milestone.

I put the poem above cause I don't know how to thank all the people that have been supporting us. From doctors and nurses to family and friends. Old rodeo buddys or friends from high school that have shown so much care. Amanda's old theater friends and friends from work, and people we have just met. Our horse clients who see us go through this experience every day and understand when we are pressured for time or if we are a little stressed out.

I can't express how much your little comments, texts, emails and cards mean to us. I can't tell you how many times we are a little down and your words lift us up. I don't want to ramble on about this, but the poem by Mr. Baxter Black couldn't say it better. Thank you.

Back to business. We had an opportunity to go to an event last Wednesday night called "Careity Rocks." This is the charity who helps cancer patients and the event was benefiting Cooks Children's Hospital. Sonny Burgess, a staple in the Texas country music scene has built a recording studio for the children there at the hospital and helps them write music and bring it to fruition where they record their own music. If you ever wanted to support a country singer and download his music, this guy's heart is the real deal.

So, check him out and this wonderful program that Careity is doing. We got to watch the kids sing and visit with some new and old friends. It was a special night for us and a reminder that what we are going through isn't even close to what others battle through. These kids really gave us a new strength and we were honored to be a part of it. Thank you Careity for all that you do!

So now we are through with the chemo, next step surgery! Amanda will be having her double mastectomy October 7th. I am so nervous. Amanda is excited to move forward. We have family and friends coming to help and Amanda's Mom- Grandma "Gogi" a  crew of one to help us through.

Thank you again all of you for your support and we will keep you updated.

Last day of chemo- September 15, 2014

At "Careity Rocks"

Amanda got to help teach a couple of kids at our last group lesson

THE MASK OF THE RED DEVIL

There was a small cowboy town in Texas in the late 1800's named "Hope Spring," and there was a rumor going around that the outlaw nicknamed "The Red Devil" was in the territory. In the meanwhile, this little town was already run by hooligans, thieves and opportunists. But the core of "Hope Springs" was a band of settlers who worked hard and were good church going folks, but they were scared to walk down the streets and now were really scared the Red Devil was near by. The settlers were growing tired of worrying and were getting ready to pack their wagons up and head further West.
On this one hot summer day, the local riff raf decided to wreak havoc on this little town. What were the settlers to do but pull up stakes and run.
Then out of nowhere, a man on a horse came blowing through "Hope Spring" guns a blazing. He wore a black hat and a red bandana over his face. He rode a big powerful steed. The settlers couldn't believe their luck, it wasn't bad enough with all the chaos, but now the Red Devil has come to town. All was lost.
Except what they didn't notice, was the Red Devil was roping and dragging all the bad guys out of town. One by one, he got rid of all of the men that caused this little town despair. When he was done, he rode right up to the settlers, didn't say a word, tipped his hat and reared his horse. Then turned and rode away into the sunset.

Okay, so back to reality. Amanda started her new regimen of chemo yesterday of Adriamycin and Cytoxan. The Adriamycin is nicknamed the Red Devil. We haven't been looking forward to it because everyone says how hard it can be on the patient.
A day later, Amanda is doing okay. Pretty nauseous, but still able to take care of the kids. We will just have to wait and see how she handles it. She has 3 more rounds of these, every two weeks and then she will be done with chemo if no problems arise. As best we know, it is around three weeks after that she would have surgery.

We did get some very exciting news last week. Amanda had her first mammogram and ultrasound since she was diagnosed. Nothing at all could be seen in her breast or lymph nodes! That was a big day for us. They won't know till they do the surgery if it is officially all gone, but these are all great signs.


We did a group riding lesson this last week and taught clients beginning western jumping. After the lesson, our client Candace asked Amanda if she wanted to ride her big pretty Arabian that had been with us for training. Amanda kept eyeballing the jump, so she went over it a few times. She loves to jump so this was pretty cool. Thank you Candace.

Amanda and I continue to meet these beautiful strong people at the cancer center that inspire us to be postitive and keep fighting. There are people that go through such horrible things in this world and we are blessed for every day and moment we have. Our prayers and thoughts go out to all of our new friends out there.

Cowboy Christmas

In the professional rodeo circuit, this week is called Cowboy Christmas because there are more big rodeos going on than any other time of year. So all good Cowboys and Cowgirls, even if they are not Rodeoing need to take the time to saddle up and ride on this day of Celebration. There isn't anything more traditional than going for a ride on the 4th of July. That being said, we thought it was time for our daughter Violet to go for her first ride. So Mommy and Violet saddled up and if only for a few minutes rode off into that fairy tale world of princesses and unicorns and magical forest. So glad that my wife and little girl get to experience a first ride together. Words can't express how proud I am of both of them.

Amanda has had two weeks in a row of not getting chemo. The first for low platelets and the second for low white blood cell counts. So the process is slow going.
But it is amazing how Amanda comes home from going to get her treatments with stories of people going through the same thing or worse every week that are so gracious to her. If any of you are reading this- Thank You for your inspiration as it brings my wife home stronger each and every time.

Happy 4th everyone. Hug your loved ones and enjoy the fireworks.

One step forward two steps back!

Training horses we always say one step forward, two steps back. You have to be patient because they figure out things on their own time. With horses I can relate to that. It makes perfect sense and I see the benefits daily. With my wife fighting cancer, my patience is a little harder to find. We have been extremely busy with the most business we have had since we moved back to Texas.

We currently have 8 horses in training and we just put on a horsemanship clinic. On top of that, we have to clean up our home we own in Grandview, Tx that we were leasing. It was completely destroyed and we are not quite sure how we are going to pull everything off getting it ready to sell. This has all coincided with week after week of Amanda not being able to get chemo due to an upper respiratory infection and low white blood cell count. She finally was able to get it this past Thursday. Moving forward, they are going to be more aggressive with the neupogen shots which bring up her white blood cell count.

At this week's check up we had a great step forward. 

This is where we are at with this disease Amanda is fighting. 

The chemo is working wonders. After 6 treatments, Amanda's Oncologist Dr. Young can no longer feel her tumor or anything in her lymph nodes at all. Dr. Young said she had goose bumps after feeling for them. Amanda is now scheduled to have her last day of chemo August 21st. This is assuming no more setbacks and is a month later than the original schedule. She has 5 more treatments of the carboplatin/taxol combo. After that she will have a mammogram and an ultrasound done. Then she will have 4 treatments of Adriamycin and Cytoxan. After the chemotherapy is completed, she will have a double mastectomy, radiation, and then reconstruction. She will then have a full hysterectomy, since she is a BRCA1 gene carrier and is at high risk for ovarian cancer.

This is a long road and our hearts break every time we see other people going through this. It is a true test of wills for these strong, inspiring people. My heroes used to be Michael Jordan, Muhammad Ali and Billy Etbauer( a world champion rodeo cowboy). These guys have nothing on the survivors and fighters of this horrible disease. Makes me feel silly when you think about your priorities in these ways.

During the clinic, Amanda had a little break from the kids and jumped on the horse I was riding. I kept teaching and when I looked over my shoulder she was riding like the wind. She was so stunning and didn't look like she had a care in the world. She is Amazing.

Just wanted to thank everyone for the support. There have been a few of you that we will never be able to repay your gracious heart.

Thank you