Since it has been awhile, I wanted to start off by saying that I am so happy to share that we have truly been blessed with how healthy Amanda is. She has had no long term side effects from the six months of chemo, double mastectomy and radiation treatments and is one hundred percent back to her old self. She was 34 years old when she was diagnosed, she is now 36.
How important are breasts really? Once they have nurse fed your babies to health... What is there functional use really? Sure, they look good in a dress and are a big part of what makes a woman a woman.
Well, this question has arose with us in our household, now that Amanda is about 16 months cancer free. When this all started it seemed that other than not being alive, losing Amanda's breasts was pretty scary. At least to me. They made her confident and curvaceous, she wore them proud. That was all taken away in the finding of one little lump in her breast. To be honest, in the beginning I wasn't sure I was comfortable with her not having breasts and how it would look, but I would never tell Amanda that while she was fighting for her life.
She never thought twice about it. All she wanted to do was be alive for her children, that was all that mattered.
In the grand scheme of things, having a double mastectomy was so minor compared to not being alive.
I am here to tell you that after a year of having a wife with no breasts, breasts do not make a woman. I would have never believed in a million years that I would be the one to say that. Yes, I will say it again, Breasts do not make a Woman!
Amanda is still just as beautiful, just as sensual, an amazing mother and friend just like she always was. Maybe even a little more, now that she has become aware of how precious life is with everything she has gone through.
That being said, we are at that point where it is time for her reconstruction and Amanda has been excited just to be able to wear regular bras, not a prosthetic one. She looks forward to being able to wear certain dresses and clothes and not be limited to certain fits.
I personally think she looks good in everything, but I'm partial.
We had a pre op appointment today with the plastic surgeon and to be honest I wasn't prepared for the myriad of emotions Amanda and I were going to go through. It sounds silly after how blessed we are that Amanda is healthy, that there would be any difficulties over a pair of new breasts or as the nurse kept saying, "your new girls."
Amanda, who has been extremely strong leading up to this was overtaken with emotion when we started going over the process of what was entailed for her to receive her new breasts. She was a little embarrassed and felt a little vain that she was having such an emotional moment. I can tell you that Amanda has become dear friends with other women fighting the good fight with this horrible disease.
As great as a feeling that it was to be talking about plastic surgery and not cancer, it was hard for her to be talking about getting new breasts when so many women are fighting for their lives.
It also brought her back into the world of surgeries and lots of doctor appointments after having a year of just having routine check ups every three months.
I have been right there with her the past two years of living in the cancer worlds, all the doctors, appointments, surgeries, consultations. Anytime back in the doctor's office can become very stressful. I wasn't prepared how much effort it takes for new breasts. Amanda has to have muscle and tissue taken from her back to help form one of her new breasts and expanders put in with a possible two day stay in the hospital, and up to six weeks where she can't lift and hold her children. After about four months of multiple doctors appointments filling up the expanders, she will come back and go through another surgery to put in the actual implants, with another six weeks to heal with no complications. After that will be nipple reconstruction along with any adjustments that need to be made.
When we left, Amanda seemed disheartened and I thought she was worried about all the surgeries. But she told me she was worried about how I would mange the horse business without her while she recovered. It definitely is a lot harder for me to function when she is not outside working alongside me.
We began a long conversation if this was all worth it, as she is perfectly healthy.
We talked about the kids and how we would keep the kids off of her for a few weeks.
We talked about this journey that we have been on for the better part of two years.
The one thing about Amanda is that whether it is doing the dishes, putting together a perfect Birthday party for our kids, corresponding to friends...she likes to finish what she starts.
So she has decided to go through with the surgery and get her new breasts.
From the day she was diagnosed to the day of being healthy and having her breasts back, it will have been a three year long ordeal that has taught us about this disease that affects so many and how strong the human spirit is. We have met so many strong battle warriors that have took this head on and have never lost their ability to love and to enjoy this precious life.
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