Cowboy Christmas

In the professional rodeo circuit, this week is called Cowboy Christmas because there are more big rodeos going on than any other time of year. So all good Cowboys and Cowgirls, even if they are not Rodeoing need to take the time to saddle up and ride on this day of Celebration. There isn't anything more traditional than going for a ride on the 4th of July. That being said, we thought it was time for our daughter Violet to go for her first ride. So Mommy and Violet saddled up and if only for a few minutes rode off into that fairy tale world of princesses and unicorns and magical forest. So glad that my wife and little girl get to experience a first ride together. Words can't express how proud I am of both of them.

Amanda has had two weeks in a row of not getting chemo. The first for low platelets and the second for low white blood cell counts. So the process is slow going.
But it is amazing how Amanda comes home from going to get her treatments with stories of people going through the same thing or worse every week that are so gracious to her. If any of you are reading this- Thank You for your inspiration as it brings my wife home stronger each and every time.

Happy 4th everyone. Hug your loved ones and enjoy the fireworks.

One step forward two steps back!

Training horses we always say one step forward, two steps back. You have to be patient because they figure out things on their own time. With horses I can relate to that. It makes perfect sense and I see the benefits daily. With my wife fighting cancer, my patience is a little harder to find. We have been extremely busy with the most business we have had since we moved back to Texas.

We currently have 8 horses in training and we just put on a horsemanship clinic. On top of that, we have to clean up our home we own in Grandview, Tx that we were leasing. It was completely destroyed and we are not quite sure how we are going to pull everything off getting it ready to sell. This has all coincided with week after week of Amanda not being able to get chemo due to an upper respiratory infection and low white blood cell count. She finally was able to get it this past Thursday. Moving forward, they are going to be more aggressive with the neupogen shots which bring up her white blood cell count.

At this week's check up we had a great step forward. 

This is where we are at with this disease Amanda is fighting. 

The chemo is working wonders. After 6 treatments, Amanda's Oncologist Dr. Young can no longer feel her tumor or anything in her lymph nodes at all. Dr. Young said she had goose bumps after feeling for them. Amanda is now scheduled to have her last day of chemo August 21st. This is assuming no more setbacks and is a month later than the original schedule. She has 5 more treatments of the carboplatin/taxol combo. After that she will have a mammogram and an ultrasound done. Then she will have 4 treatments of Adriamycin and Cytoxan. After the chemotherapy is completed, she will have a double mastectomy, radiation, and then reconstruction. She will then have a full hysterectomy, since she is a BRCA1 gene carrier and is at high risk for ovarian cancer.

This is a long road and our hearts break every time we see other people going through this. It is a true test of wills for these strong, inspiring people. My heroes used to be Michael Jordan, Muhammad Ali and Billy Etbauer( a world champion rodeo cowboy). These guys have nothing on the survivors and fighters of this horrible disease. Makes me feel silly when you think about your priorities in these ways.

During the clinic, Amanda had a little break from the kids and jumped on the horse I was riding. I kept teaching and when I looked over my shoulder she was riding like the wind. She was so stunning and didn't look like she had a care in the world. She is Amazing.

Just wanted to thank everyone for the support. There have been a few of you that we will never be able to repay your gracious heart.

Thank you

Sit tall in the saddle!

"Sit tall in the saddle, Hold your head up high
Keep your eyes fixed where the trail meets the sky
And live like you ain't afraid to die
Don't be scared just enjoy the ride."
-Chris LeDoux

I think of this song often. It has been a harder few weeks. Amanda hasn't been able to do chemo for a couple of weeks due to low white blood cell counts and low platelets. There are days she has been real down. Mentally and physically. She is strong and puts on a good face for the kids. She was able to do a session this last Thursday.
We both need to remind ourselves to live in the moment. Easy for me to say. Ryder is growing up so quick. He is turning into a little man right before our eyes. He started singing his new favorite song. Stand By Me. He seems to know things aren't quite right but he really lives in the moment. And little Violet seems to be faster crawling than Usain Bolt. She can do the fifty in like 3 flat. We have such gifts in our lives and I am scared with all that we are going through, we will miss out on some of it.

A local magazine, "North Texas Farm and Ranch"did an article on Amanda, the horses and our business. I am proud of it, but reading it was a real reality check. That my beautiful wife and family are going through this challenge. Don't get me wrong, they did a wonderful job writing it. Just somehow made all this more real.

I always tell people when they ride horses they need to keep their head up, look where they are going and breathe. So just like the Chris LeDoux song says, we are going to do our best to "Keep tall in the Saddle and hold our heads up High."

"The wind of heaven is that which blows between a horse's ears." -Arabian Proverb

This last week has been one of our tougher weeks so far. Amanda was quite nauseous from the carboplatin.  This last Thursday when we went in to do chemo, Amanda's white blood cell count was too low to do Chemo. This happens, but Amanda feels like she loses a week of fighting the cancer. If you know Amanda you know how tough this is for her. There is not much you can do, except try to exercise and eat really well. So needless to say I am learning more about preparing organic kale than I ever wanted to know. We also have all gotten severe allergies with the spring season which is concerning with Amanda's low white cells so we are keeping a close eye on it.

We have done a lot of studying over the years about the abilities horses have to heal people physically and mentally. I know for sure the horse has the ability to connect directly to your soul if you are willing to let him. Their movement and energy give you strength and serenity. So today we are making sure Amanda rides. The cold hard fact is when Amanda is riding it is the one place that  all she can focus on is the horse, and not worry about anything else. She has worked for many years on having this ability to connect with the horse and now they are giving back to her in spades.

So it was like 30 mile an hour winds today but Amanda was determined to ride. Her horse Snowflake is interesting, cause he really had a rough time with the human when we first got him. He was very agressive. He would try to chase you out of the stall when you would feed him and would lunge at you when you did groundwork. He also would let you pet him and as soon as you quit paying attention he would try to bite you for no reason. He just couldn't deal with any kind of affection. It was really sad. Needless to say, Amanda has always had a bond with him because she saw who he was and what he could become. Which is a very trustful horse who has really come through in the clutch for us. He isn't real athletic but the gifts he has given us through his try and heart have been more than a horse owner can ask for. Amanda has always liked to ride him bareback because she feels so close and connected to him. It was a little tough with the kids today but Amanda was able to disappear for a good fifteen minutes into hoof beat heaven and give herself to Snowflake's movement.

Next Chemo session is Thursday. So hopefully the nuepogen
shots work and her white blood cells are up. Will keep our fingers and hooves crossed.

"In Sickness and in Health..."

Tomorrow is our 5th wedding anniversary. "In sickness and in health"... I had no idea five years later, I would be put to the "in sickness" test. But I am glad that I am the one going through this with her. She inspires me everyday. When I rodeoed I thought if you were a world champion cowboy you were tough. Those guys were nothing compared to these people fighting cancer.

Amanda was given a schedule of 16 weeks of chemotherapy.

The first 12 rounds she will be on the drug combination of Carboplatin and Taxol. Then 4 rounds on Adriamycin and Cytoxan.

After that will be the double mastectomy, radiation, and then reconstructive surgery.

So far, the chemo is producing amazing results. After just two treatments, the tumor had drastically started shrinking as well as the lymph nodes. 

After three treatments, the tumor measured 1 cm (from being 4 cm) and the texture of it completely changed, from hard to soft (more like tissue.) And the lymph nodes are no longer measurable. The chemo is doing its job. The oncologist was extremely impressed with the results and is confident that by the time of surgery, Amanda will have a complete pathological response to the chemo which is the ultimate goal for triple negative patients and will greatly improve the prognosis. That will mean that the chemo will have completely killed the cancer.

So we are on the sixth Chemo day with a few sessions that have been cancelled due to low white blood cell counts, which is normal. But when they are down, Amanda is more susceptible to illness so we have to be careful. Amanda and the kids don't go anywhere and a lot of antibacterial hand wash. She gets nuepogen shots for a few days to bring the white cells back up. The main thing that really sucks is the chemo is put off for another week. So we have already had 2 1/2 weeks added to the chemo treatment.

Today was a hard day for Amanda. She was real nauseous this morning. Had trouble giving blood out of her port and then found out she couldn't do treatment today.  There were some other chemo patients having a hard time and it really affected her, bringing her to tears. But once we got home she went right back to taking care of our children without missing a beat.
I am proud to be celebrating our fifth wedding anniversary in a germ free environment tomorrow.

You are my life and love.
Happy Anniversary Angel!

P.S
This picture was on our wedding day. Amanda was determined to canter in her wedding dress on our horse Snowflake. The other is just one of my favorites.

Cowboys Don't Cry....B.S!

So all I knew about chemo was what I saw from binge watching Walter White on "Breaking Bad."

The oncologist wanted to start Amanda on chemo right away instead of doing surgeries first because of the aggressive nature of the cancer.
Oh my God, what does this mean? What do I know about this? She is going to get sick, nauseous and lose her hair. Lose her hair right? I realized I had all these ideas of what chemo was and was really scared for Amanda. In the meanwhile, Amanda was obsessed with starting chemo so she knew she was doing something to fight.

We had a few hoops to jump through to start. Number one was the Port. Yeah. a port. It is a surgical procedure where they stick this round port about the size of a quarter in the muscles of her chest just under the skin to take blood and most importantly put the chemo medicine in. I guess they do this so they don't have to find veins all the time. We did an introduction class at the chemo ward where you watch a video and a nurse tells you about all of the possible side effects. Got a schedule and all the nausea medicine prepared.

The first time you walk into a chemo ward your worst fears come true. There is a bunch of older, very sick looking people wrapped up in blankets. But after a few minutes there is a beauty unlike any beauty I've ever seen. These people smile at you and have a twinkle in their eyes. It's insane what horrible things people go through and they offer their hands and hearts. It's humanity in its purest form.

Amanda also had a Pet scan done that showed no other cancer other than in her breast and the two lymph nodes. Amanda had been so anxious and scared for weeks about finding out if it had spread. Once she got those results, she felt a weight had been lifted off of her and she had a new found determination and confidence about beating this.

She also had to take a genetics test to see if she had the breast cancer gene. Yes, the same thing Angelina Jolie has. It came back positive. Which means Amanda had up to an 80% risk of developing breast cancer at some point in her life.
This also means she will have to get a double mastectomy with breast reconstruction. She will also have to get her ovaries removed as she has a 55% risk of getting ovarian cancer. We are so blessed to have just had our two children.

I use to hear the saying "Cowboys don't cry." I believe it is ok to cry once in a while, as long as you are fighting back while you are doing it.

I have been so proud of Amanda hitting this face forward. She is Determined like never before.

Don't worry about falling, the ground will always catch you.

When we found out Amanda's results were positive, we wanted of course to find the best doctor, "oncologist" in the area. Which we did and our insurance that was giving us the run around said she was covered, along with the breast surgeon. The day we were going to meet her, the insurance company told us they made a mistake and we needed to look for another doctor.

We decided to go meet her anyways. She was very thorough in explaining the type of cancer Amanda had and how aggressive it is and explained that they needed to be aggressive with the treatment right away. Amanda would also need a Pet scan to make sure the cancer wasn't anywhere else. The reality had kicked in. I grew extremely more nervous in the room and finally blurted out, "Is Amanda going to get through this?" The doctor replied with a story of another patient that had. Not what I wanted to hear. Needless to say, we got her report so we could give it to the next oncologist the insurance was going to cover.

What ever you do- don't read the report the doctor writes up about your wife fighting breast cancer.

The words blew up all over the page POOR PROGNOSIS. When I got home, I went outside to pick up manure and my mind went to horrible places. Meanwhile, inside Amanda was trying to find a new Oncologist, taking care of business like she always does. When I came in I watched her jumping through hoops with the insurance company and seeing the worry on her face get worse. The next appointment she could get was for a doctor 90 miles away and was half a week away. I said "screw it, we don't have time for this. I have no idea how we are going to pay for chemo but set up an appointment with this amazing doctor we met."

A few days later, I was putting the first rides on some colts at a client's place.
With all Amanda had been through, she was out there helping me as we do sometimes. She will help drive the horses around from the ground while I am on their back. The funny thing was this day, right in the process of getting this colt to move forward, her phone rang. It was the president of a charity group called Careity who Amanda randomly new a lady who worked there. They are a charity group in the Fort Worth area specializing in breast cancer patients. The cool thing is that their big annual fundraiser is a celebrity cutting horse event. Amanda's breast surgeon, Dr. Amelia Gunter competes in the celebrity cutting.

While I am trying to stay on this young horse, Amanda was half way paying attention to me and talking to this lady.  I tried to leave her alone and keep my seat at the same time. Needless to say, Careity payed for her first chemo session and an echocardiogram she needed done. We got our insurance stuff worked out and now everything is covered. Careity is a true gift to breast cancer patients and we will be forever grateful to them.

A famous cowboy told me once when I was getting on my first bucking horse at a rodeo,"Don't worry, the ground will always catch you."